CSI - In Living Colour

Has CSI come to my workplace?

Let me explain. I work for the Faculty of Medicine in the largest university in BC. Next door to my office is the Division of Midwifery office, and there are several rooms where they hold some of their classes.

Now, I have nothing against midwives, and in fact, I'm glad the medical community has embraced the midwifery profession enough to start a degree program at the university.

Anyways, back to CSI. As I was walking back from the washroom, I happened to glance in one of the Midwifery classrooms, and saw on the table, part of a female torso. With the legs spread apart. To show the female genitalia. In all it's glory. Plus, the body was cut off above the waist at one end and mid-thigh at the other end. Furthermore, there was a man in the corner of the room (I assume it was an instructor), who oddly enough bore a close resemblance to the coroner guy on CSI. Needless to say, I stared, several times. I thought I was in TV land.

However, none of this horrified me. After all, a part of me had always wanted to go into forensics, and be just like that coroner guy, until I discovered I had to go to medical school for stuff like this. It is an odd twist of fate that I am working for the Faculty of Medicine.

What horrified me was the detail of the female genitalia. The labia, to be precise. The labia on the model (for lack of a better word), were big. Very big. The size of grapefruits.

Ever since my friends have started popping the ankle-biters, and the lovely ladies at Hitched have been doing the same, I have discovered a few things about pregnancy, labour and motherhood that I'd never known before. Here are some:

• You can get long bouts of constipation while pregnant
• You can experience heartburn while pregnant
• If you have a vaginal birth, you can tear in many different ways (my RMT told me that you can actually tear in a shape of a star, she's seen it once)
• Your nipples can get to be the size of dinner plates
• Breastfeeding can hurt. A lot.
• Your nipple can get dried, cracked and start bleeding while you breastfeed

Please, please, PLEASE do not tell me that the labia will swell up to the size of grapefruits! Please tell me that the model's genitalia were over-exaggerated, for demonstrative purposes. In fact, please tell me that the dummy model is a prop for CSI. Pregnancy, labour and motherhood is such a black hole right now, and all I can do is observe what may happen to me. What other delights will I encounter when it's my turn for impending motherhood?

Hmmm, maybe it's better I be kept in the dark.